this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
