mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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