I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Soap is not a condiment
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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