I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
