now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
