what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
