Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
