Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
