There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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