You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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