you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
