Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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