You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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