He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
