I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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