I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
