Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
