Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
