: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
