booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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