He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
