I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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