Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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