You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
