whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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