btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
