I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
