I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
