Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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