how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
