found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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