the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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