omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
