I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
