some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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