dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
