and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
