Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
