it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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