First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
