guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
