Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
