i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
