I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
