I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
