you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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