No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
