I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
