I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
