Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
