i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do herpes really smell.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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