Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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