I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
