Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
