I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
