so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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