go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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