im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
