I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
