i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im part way to drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
