She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
