I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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