I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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