Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
