I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
