My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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