Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
