dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
