I can text with my tongue
too bad you live with your parents still
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
