she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
