i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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