we're chasing vodka with high fives
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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