Don't you send me to vm
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
