Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
