You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
