I'm going to jail i love you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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