Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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