If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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