Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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