Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
