Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
