How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
